They A in English, but what grade do you give their confidence?


Our nearly-flown kids get grades in history, math, and even physical education.  But, do we approach the subject of "confidence" as intentionally?  We should and CAN.

Welcome to an 11 minute installment of our "Skill Set Series".  

What does it cover?

  • A completely new way to look at confidence
  • 3 Reasons our kids have challenges with this at their age
  • An easy, concrete, can-do-it-today move you can make to start your nearly-flown child on the road to increased confidence.

Point:  we are NOT talking about turning into a helicopter parent!

What You Might Be Seeing with Your Child

Are they hesitating when considering new challenges? Are they missing opportunities that you know they can tackle?  Do they play a mental tape that slows them down?  We've seen this over and over.  

I was very shy in high school and college.  It wasn't until my mid-20's that I began to pull out of it.  This transformation should have occurred much earlier.  I can literally list all the things that I passed by because of my lack of confidence.  

What Do We Mean by "Confidence"?

What it isn't:  

  • that bully kind of approach
  • that "know-it-all" kind of approach
  • that "I don't have to study/prepare because I have an inflated ego."

What we feel confidence is:

  • the quiet confidence that stops the panic button at the first sight of something new and challenging

Confidence Myths:

  • confident people fake it thru things.  FALSE
  • confident people never have doubts.  FALSE
  • confident people are always feel secure.  FALSE

Confidence is knowing that you have the ability to make it thru.  It's knowing that you can work it out.

Why Young Adults Tend to Have Confidence Challenges:

  • The Box.  They are put in a personality/skill box by friends, themselves, and others.  They are defined by circumstances and mentally feel that this must be who they are.  Yes, they build a confining box.
    • "Suzy is lousy at sports" so why should the be in this tennis class??
    • "I don't/can't dress like Mike, so I can't be in his friend group".
    • "I am not good  at . . . , so I'd better not go for that organizational position."
  • Fear.  No one wants to look stupid or sound stupid, especially this age bracket with the social media peer pressure we didn't have at their age.  Being vulnerable is one of the keys to growing and learning, but tell that to a teen who needs to be "cool" and you have a recipe for that teen staying in their box.
  • Their Brains.  Your young adult looks fully grown, but their brain is still under construction.  Current scientific thinking sheds light on this.  The frontal lobe portion of their brain still has work to do.  So what's in that part of their brain?  Wait for it . . . language and reason.  I know you are probably thinking "no kidding Sherlock".   You've heard the "whatever" the "fine" the "later Mom" short sentences and reliance on too much emotion.  Why rely on emotion?  The emotional portion of their brain is far more developed at this point than their language and reasoning section.

Great News!  Because young adult brains are still growing in the reasoning and language area, we parents still have an opportunity to teach them.  

What you can do TODAY to help them build CONFIDENCE:

This is something we've done.  This is something other parents have done.  This is something you can start tonight.  

Begin a "Did You Know" Letter.

  • Open your heart and write them a letter telling them how unique and special they are.
  • Recount times you remember when they tackled a difficult situation beautifully.  Explain what you saw them mentally work thru.
  • Recount times when they showed wisdom to themselves and others.
  • Remind them they are loved unconditionally.
  • Tell them why you are enjoying watching them grow up.
  • Remind them of when you saw them be a special friend to someone else. 

Odds are high they will keep their letter forever.  Mine have - at least so far!  Are you a gifted writer, or really feel you can do more than just a letter?  Great.  Consider starting a notebook and adding to it as you experience new things to add.  

Why the "Did You Know" Letter?

You may think they already know what you are telling them, but maybe not.  You may think you've told them, but do they remember it?  Did your really tell them?  Perhaps you didn't.  

You are creating a "positive mental track" whereby when situations arise when confidence is really needed, they can draw upon the very words you've told them.   You are showing them how to raise their own kids when the time comes.  

You are giving them a gift for a lifetime.

What you can do TODAY to help them build CONFIDENCE:

This is something we've done.  This is something other parents have done.  Trust us, this can turn into something they'll never forget. This is something you can start tonight.  

We hope this moves the needle for you and for your child.  It's a secret weapon they can draw upon when the going gets tough.   

Have a GREAT week and 

YES, You CAN Have Success in the Middle of it ALL

Pam and Holly

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PS 2: Free Parent Guide
We've put together a free "8-Step Parent Planning Guide" that is chock-full of information you might want to teach your "nearly-flown" child.  It's a parent time-saver, and gives you concrete lessons to use at your discretion.  Developed by parents previously in your shoes, we know you will find it super helpful.  
Here's the link for it: 8-Step Parent Planning Guide
Who Is JellyGeneration?

Pam Hardison, MBA, BBA in Finance and Business Education, has created and co-owned a national mail order catalog which at one point was the 21st fastest growing customerbase in the nation.  As a mom of two college-post college daughters, considers it a privilege and to meet other students and parents along the same road.   After teaching high school and college students for years, her commitment to helping them with topics most schools can't cover is the light that drives her.  

Holly Powers, Attorney-At-Law (Jameson & Powers, P.C.) has been actively practicing law since 1985 and is a shareholder with the law firm of Jameson & Powers, P.C.  The firm specializes in transactional law, health care law, and general business law.  Holly has taught students precepts concerning the legal world for over 10 years.  With 4 children, she understands what teens need to know and has a passion to help others faced with teens and aging parents.  



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